daily habits

The past few months have been one of the most challenging times I’ve faced in my adult life. Back in March when our school system announced that schools would be closed for two weeks, I remember panicking about what I would do with my kids for two weeks while I worked. Little did I know, that almost four months later they would still be home!

Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. I love spending time with them, but on my schedule. Suddenly becoming a full time stay-at-home mom and teacher in addition to working full time was a recipe for disaster. And that’s pretty much how it played out. My husband and I struggled to balance our three kids’ different Zoom calls and assignments with our businesses. There were no breaks. When I would take a short break from work to get some lunch or more green tea, I would have three kids hanging on me asking for snacks or complaining about their siblings.

We were exhausted. My well-planned, organized, compartmentalized life was suddenly turned upside down. Of course, I was grateful that we are all healthy and well during the pandemic. But the everyday reality of the struggles and challenges was really taking its toll. About three months in, I remember saying to my husband that if I didn’t have a break, I think I might have a breakdown.

You get the picture. And perhaps you can relate. It’s times like these that I remember why it is so important to take care of myself and give myself a break. But that was hard during the pandemic when you can’t go anywhere or meet up with anyone. I was exhausted and struggling to show up as my best self.

As we came out of the self-isolation, my husband gave me a gift on my birthday at the end of June—a complete day to myself. He took our kids to his parents’ beach house and I had a full day all to myself. It was glorious. I relaxed, read, exercised, practiced yoga, rejuvenated, and felt like a completely different person by the end of the day. I felt more positive and resilient. I could handle the pressures and challenges of life in a healthier and more rational way.

How does this impact leadership? In all the big and small ways. Our energy is the one thing that we can control that impacts our everyday actions, behaviors, and mindset. These past few months have highlighted for me how important my energy is to show up as my best self at home and at work. When I am depleted, tired, and stressed, I lose the mental capacity to handle challenges in a productive and healthy way. I struggle to lead my life and my team effectively. Things feel hard and grueling.

When I am rested and refreshed, I have the energy to bring my best to work. I am focused, composed and present. I am more resilient and productive. Our habits are impacted by the mental and physical reserves we have available to get through our day.

While it may be more challenging for some of us to practice good sleep, exercise, and self-care habits while in quarantine, as we begin to transition to a new normal, there are several practices that can support self-care, maintain our energy and show up as our best as a leader and human:

• Work Rituals: creating a practice for the beginning and end of your workday can help you harness your energy and increase your productivity. A productive day begins the night before. This means taking 10-15 minutes to review your projects and tasks and prioritize the top two actions you will focus on the next day. Doing this the night before allows you to jump into your most important task in the morning without procrastinating. In the morning, set aside 10 minutes to review your plan for the day and prepare any materials (files, phone numbers, etc.) you need to successfully execute your projects.
• Schedule Productivity Sprints. We each have a peak time of day when our energy is highest. For most of us, that is in the morning hours. During that time, schedule a block of time where you focus on one—and only one—task and block out all interruptions. I call these productivity sprints because you can get more done in this focused time than most people get done in a week. Instituting productivity sprints can transform your productivity and utilize your peak energy times. The ideal length of a productivity sprint is one to two hours.
• Meditate. I never thought I would be a meditator. I’ve always been very action oriented, and didn’t think it was possible to quiet my mind and sit in silence for any amount of time. Five years ago I took a transcendental meditation course that proved otherwise. When I stick to my meditation practice, I feel calmer and more resilient. It feels like my brain took a nap. The feeling is addictive—when you really fall into a deep meditative state (which doesn’t always happen, but gets easier with practice), you crave that silence. Even a few minutes of meditation can help calm your mind and help you to be less reactive.
• Sleep. Most people don’t get the sleep they need to function properly. I know when I lose even an hour of sleep at night, I can feel the negative impact the next day. It feels harder to make decisions and stay focused. Writer Keith Jones wrote an article for Arianna Huffington’s Thrive Global on Why Sleep is so Important.
• Schedule a personal work retreat. I started this practice about three years ago, and it has been a gamechanger for my productivity, energy, and results. About three times a year, I schedule a personal offsite at a small bed and breakfast for two to three days. During this time, I focus on one major project (right now that is writing my book) and sequester myself to get into deep focus while also relaxing. I might also get a massage, take a walk, and read to rejuvenate. This is a time to focus on a strategic goal in my business that is challenging to accomplish during a normal workday.

I believe all leaders would benefit from even a day each quarter to reflect, reset and plan. Whether it’s a solo retreat to reflect and adjust the goals for your team, or a team retreat where you take the team offsite for a day to refocus and plan, a quarterly retreat can boost your productivity, energy, and focus, while at the same time giving you the quiet and space you need to make your best decisions and plans.

If I’ve learned anything during this pandemic it’s that we all need time to ourselves to rest, reflect, and rejuvenate. I’ve seen the negative effects when I don’t make this a priority, which is why I am committed to finding ways to preserve my energy and mindset, even in the most difficult of times.

A few years ago, I switched to a new chiropractor. When I entered the office for my first appointment, the receptionist barely looked up as she unenthusiastically muttered, “Yes?”. Her unfriendly greeting had an immediate impact on my mood as I felt my energy drop. Needless to say, her lack of welcoming energy and friendliness had an impact on my entire experience at the office.

I’m certain you have experienced this before—the customer service representative who has no business being in a customer service role. First impressions matter; and it only takes a few seconds for someone to pick up on the energy (or lack thereof) of the person across from them. We train our member service representatives to be friendly and knowledgeable to provide the best service. Yet it still mystifies me how many organizations don’t hire people in customer service roles who actually like interacting with people. Customer service roles are often the first point of contact a customer has with an organization, and can leave a lasting impression; whether good or bad. There is another important position where our energy matters—leadership.

When you are a leader, you are being watched every day, whether you like it or not. Your employees, your colleagues, and your manager are all impacted by your actions, your words, and your energy. Even subconsciously, people are picking up on your energy at work. Do you consistently appear overwhelmed and stressed out? Are you tired or irritated? You are likely transferring that energy to those around you.

Every morning, when you walk into the office, what kind of tone are you setting? Are you greeting your employees with a warm “good morning!”? Your enthusiasm and warmth have to be genuine, but many leaders are not purposeful with how they show up at the office each day.

When you come to a meeting with your colleagues or a coaching session with one of your employees, are you completely present, listening and connecting to the person in front of you? Or are you distracted or inattentive?

We should always be conscious of the energy we are putting out into the world. This doesn’t mean we can’t have a bad day or that we have to be positive and upbeat all the time. Certain situations may not call for an upbeat or friendly demeanor. But it does mean that as leaders, we should be aware that our mindset, energy, and language impacts everyone around us. Our employees look to their leaders for cues on how to behave, and we need to be aware that we are sending as much of a message with our energy as we are with our words and actions. As leaders, we have a responsibility to model the behaviors we want to elicit from others.

Your energy can be impactful outside of work too. I have been conscious of my energy when I walk in the door at home after work. Although sometimes I arrive home tired and stressed from a long day or a terrible commute, before I walk in the door, I consciously release that energy and put a smile on my face to greet my children. I’ve noticed that when I enter the house with positive energy, they give me positive energy (and behavior) back. People often mirror our energy and mindset back to us.

So next time you are entering the office, a meeting, a coaching session, or walking around the office, pause and think about the energy you want to consciously spread to others. Your level of positivity and engagement can impact the mindset and engagement of those around you.

Before the year began, my husband and I took a mini-vacation to a bed and breakfast in West Virginia to relax and unwind. With three young kids at home, it’s not often we get away together alone. One of our favorite things to do is read by the fire. On this trip, I read two books cover to cover, and one impacted me so much, I want to share it with you.

In studying success for over 25 years, there is something I have discovered that is a common theme in high achievers—they have a bias for action. They have the same fears, doubts, anxieties, and challenges as everyone, but they push through the negative mind chatter and get themselves to do things they may not feel like doing. Success and confidence are not innate qualities, they are the result of small actions that compound over time.

In all honesty, my default is laziness. If I didn’t consciously push myself through the barriers my mind creates, I would sit around every day watching Hallmark movies, eating Lindor truffles, and drinking cappuccinos. Now, there’s nothing wrong with these things, but compound them daily over time, and they would not lead me toward my best self. My guess is that your default is also laziness. I know this, because of all the leaders—of all the humans—I have ever worked with, been friends with, or had a conversation with, no one has ever said that sticking to their goals was easy peasy, lemon squeezy (this is a current favorite phrase of my almost seven-year-old).

Sitting by the fire two nights before New Year’s Eve, I was reading the book, The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. I had seen Mel’s Ted Talk a few years ago, so I wasn’t in a rush to read the book. Frankly, I thought the “5 Second Rule” she preaches was too simplistic to be of value. But as I read the book and the case studies from people around the world, I became enthralled with the concept and couldn’t put it down. There was one piece of research that Mel shared that really stuck with me, and made total sense based on my own personal experience. She said that in the quest to reach our goals, thinking is not the problem; we rarely make decisions based on logic. Research has shown that we make 95% of our decisions based on our feelings, not on our thoughts. I reflected on the choices I make each day, and realized that if I didn’t push myself, I would absolutely choose to watch Hallmark movies while drinking cappuccinos and eating chocolate all day.

Left to my feelings, here is how I would make decisions each day:

• Do I feel like getting up an hour early today? No, I’d rather stay in my warm bed.
• Do I feel like working out today? No, it’s too much effort.
• Do I feel like writing two blogs today? No, it takes too much thought.
• Do I feel like eating a healthy salad for lunch? No, that doesn’t sound delicious!

You see how that works? We make 95% of our decisions based on how we feel in the moment, and our feelings are rarely in our best interest. Change requires us to have the courage to make choices that feel hard and challenging. So what do successful people do? They make decisions before their feelings set in and hijack their life. Mel Robbins’ “5 Second Rule” is about counting backwards—5-4-3-2-1—and then taking action immediately, before your feelings set in and your mind rationalizes why not to do something.

It’s not that successful people aren’t lazy. Most of us would rather take the easy way out rather than have to put forth effort to accomplish something. Successful people make the choice to push through, despite their feelings. It takes bold action—quick action—to move past your feelings and toward your goals. It’s our daily practices that will lead us toward our best self. No one is perfect every day, but if you consistently take action before your feelings set in, those small actions will compound to lead you toward better health, better relationships, better leadership, and a better life.

• Do I feel like tackling that hard project first thing in the morning? No, but I know if I do, I will get it off my plate and get to leave work on time today.
• Do I feel like having that tough conversation with my employee? No, but I know it’s necessary to maintain a cohesive team.
• Do I feel like taking 45 minutes to teach a task I can do in 10 minutes? No, but I know if I delegate it now, I will free up more of my time in the long run.

This morning, when the alarm rang an hour earlier, instead of hitting snooze, I jumped out of bed before my feelings convinced me I needed more sleep. It may seem like a small action, but I started my day off in control—in control of my actions, in control of my goals, and in control of my life.