The past six weeks have been challenging for my family. My nine-year-old son has been sick since early August, and we have been visiting several doctors. He has had several medical procedures to determine what is causing his symptoms.
After several weeks of anxiety and uncertainty, he was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, an autoimmune disorder. Witnessing his pain and struggle has been very hard, and my compassion for those who have children with even more serious illnesses has deepened.
I am grateful that we have the resources and doctors to get him on a path of recovery and to manage this illness long-term.
While all of this was going on, I was running my business, facilitating leadership workshops, and coaching executives. I compartmentalized the struggles in my personal life and showed up prepared and engaged with each of my clients, as I always do. But it wasn’t easy to navigate an unexpected personal challenge while running my business as usual.
My clients didn’t know what was going on behind the scenes—my Facebook and Instagram profiles show the fun, happy moments—our recent vacation to New York, our wedding anniversary (14 years!), sunsets from our time at the beach, and our kids’ first day of school (photo above).
Every single one of us has a story. We are human beings living a human experience, and sometimes that experience is tough.
Most of what we see are people’s “front stage”—the positive, happy moments that show up on Facebook and Instagram. We generally don’t see the “backstage”—the challenges and issues behind the scenes, or the private pain that stays hidden. Your employees may be compartmentalizing and holding it together at work all day, only to go home to deal with their personal struggles at night.
Every single one of your employees has a story. No one has a perfect life.
Behind the scenes, each of your team members could be dealing with something; an aging parent, a messy divorce, a child leaving for their first year of college, navigating school resources for a child with special needs, an ill spouse, or the death of a parent.
As leaders, our job isn’t to know all the intimate details of our employees’ lives. Some may not want to share their private struggles. But you can treat each day and each interaction with compassion, understanding, and empathy.
You can take the time to get to know each of your team members and what is going on behind the scenes if they are open to sharing. Understanding each other deepens the connection, trust, and bonds in your team.
Even beyond your employees, every person has a story.
That member who came into the branch frustrated and upset about a late fee could be dealing with the death of their spouse. If we can approach each person and each day with the perspective that everyone has something going on, we can embody more compassion and empathy in our daily interactions.
We should also celebrate the happy moments—the birth of a new child or grandchild, a marriage, finishing the college degree, a child’s soccer championship, or a cancer remission milestone. When we care about our employees and their personal wellbeing, we create a culture that embodies love, care, and compassion.
Our daily interactions are what make the difference.
Simple actions like walking around the office to check in with employees or starting Zoom meetings by asking about a team member’s life can be effective, however, there are structures you can put in place that cultivate an environment of connection and compassion.
1. Start meetings with a short exercise. Whether in person or virtually, starting your team meetings can be a great way to create connection with your employees and among your staff. A few of my favorites:
- New or Good: What is something new or good that has happened over the past week?
- High/Low/Grateful: we do this every night at the dinner table as a family. Each person goes around and shares a high or the day, a low for the day, and something they are grateful for. I’ve used High/Low as an opening exercise with several teams I work with, and it’s amazing how openly people will share a personal win or struggle. For example, on one recent call, a team member shared that his dad was moving into hospice. No one on the team had known this, and it allowed for a deeper conversation and connection to support that team member.
- One Word. What is one word that would describe how you are feeling today? This is a great way to take the temperature of how your staff is doing.
2. Start individual meetings by asking about an employee’s personal life. Get to know your employees and their families and interests. The purpose is to show care and concern, not pry for personal information.
3. Foster team activities inside and outside of the office. Take time to plan social gatherings where your employees can connect on a personal level, not just about work. Several of my clients hold virtual coffee chats or lunches during work hours where employees can connect without an agenda.
4. Educate your team about your organization's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) if applicable. In a recent leadership program, a participant confided in me that she would like to start therapy for a challenge she has been dealing with, but she couldn’t afford it. I suggested she contact her HR department to see if her credit union offered an EAP. They did, and she was able to start therapy sessions at no cost.
Most employees don’t have a true understanding of the value of an EAP. Many individuals have struggled during the pandemic, and an EAP can provide many helpful resources such as webinars, workshops, and therapeutic services.
What are ways that you create connection and deepen relationships with your staff?
Please share in the comments. If leaders approach their interactions with empathy, compassion, and support, the benefits are not only a more engaged and committed team, but a healthy culture of employees who feel valued, appreciated, and acknowledged.
Everyone has a story. Take some time today to find out the backstage stories of your team.
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!