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What We Can Learn About Leadership from Ellen DeGeneres

August 5, 2020

Ellen DeGeneres has had a tough month. Multiple news outlets have been circulating employee and celebrity stories accusing Ellen of not living up to her declaration of “be kind to one another”. I don’t know if these stories are true, but they are certainly compelling given various instances shared of Ellen being more mean-spirited than kind-hearted. Ellen’s current predicament is a great leadership lesson for all of us.

There are some things we can learn about leadership from Ellen DeGeneres.

It’s not the words you say that matter, it’s the actions you take.

Behind everything great is a quality that brings it to life — action. This reminds me of an interaction I experienced several years ago at a chapter meeting for the National Speaker’s Association. A well-known speaker was presenting to the group the importance of building rapport with an audience when he happened to mention the town he grew up in. Immediately, I felt a connection to this speaker; he grew up in a small town in upstate New York just ten minutes from my hometown. “What are the chances?!” I thought.

Right after he finished speaking, I excitedly approached him to share our mutual connection of small upstate New York towns when he totally blew me off. He was so concerned with getting his books ready for the audience to purchase, that he missed an opportunity to really make a connection with someone right there in front of him. It was ironic since his speech was about building rapport. Yet the minute he walked off the stage, it was like he got out of character and stopped playing the part.

Interestingly, last year I re-met this speaker at a national conference, and he was friendly and engaging. So perhaps the previous year, I caught him in a moment of stress, and he wasn’t his best self. But as leaders, we need to be mindful of how we show up. People are always watching, and every interaction we experience has the opportunity to reinforce our positive message, or, completely negate the message we just professed. These interactions matter, and although we all have bad days, these negative exchanges can have a long-term impact on our relationships.

People don't follow what you say, they follow what you do.

To be exceptional leaders, we need to put action behind the messages we convey.

We need to walk our talk, not just declare it. It’s in the moments of action (or inaction) that we build trust and cohesion with our employees or chip away at trust and our integrity. Our words matter, but our actions are what bring them to life and demonstrate our message.

Everything great intention needs action to bring it to life.

  • It’s not enough to tell someone you love them; you need to demonstrate it.
  • It’s not enough to say you’re building a great place to work; you need to create a great place to work.
  • It’s not enough to say you value your employees, you need to show them.
  • It’s not enough to say you value respect, you must be respectful.
  • It’s not enough to say you are open to others’ opinions, you must listen.

People trust you when you do what you say you will do. This is how great cultures are created and how leaders become truly influential.

Effective leadership is less about doing, and more about being.

It’s not a role you play, it’s a practice you cultivate.

It’s the everyday actions you put behind your leadership that makes all the difference. And you know what, Ellen is right about one thing—kindness matters. But don’t just say it, do it.

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Comments
Beverly
December 19, 2023

Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.

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Reply from Laurie:
Absolutely, Beverly! We create more time for ourselves, and we can release the mental stress it is taking up.
Melissa Smith
December 7, 2023

Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)

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Reply from Laurie:
You're welcome, Melissa! Thanks for your comment.
Anonymous
November 29, 2023

Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.

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Reply from Laurie:
So glad you will be implementing these things!
Tracey
October 23, 2023

this is a test comment

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Reply from Laurie:
Add an answer
Anonymous
October 23, 2023

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Reply from Laurie:
Add an answer
lynn beisel
October 20, 2023

I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.

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Reply from Laurie:
Lynn, I agree that working longer hours is still seen as working "hard" in our culture. I wish this was an easy shift. Our society needs to redefine what being productive means--not related to hours, but true productivity, which I find is not related to hours, but is related to focus. I do think leaders in organizations can model great boundaries and set the tone for their culture. Thank you for your comment!
Krystle
September 26, 2023

I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.

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Reply from Laurie:
Thank you, Krystle! I think this is something most managers are challenged with when shifting from a more technical role to a leadership role. Delegation can really help free up time for the leadership aspects of our job.
Anonymous
August 29, 2023

Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!

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Reply from Laurie:
I think it takes me a week to just wind down before I can really relax. My goal next year is to take at least one two week (rather than one week at a time) vacation!
Perry Crutchfield
August 22, 2023

Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care

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Reply from Laurie:
I always appreciate your perspective, Perry! I so agree with you that we should treat others with respect, just like we want to be treated. I have also had leaders that I would follow anywhere, and others who I have learned what NOT to do!
LISA KINNEY
August 16, 2023

I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!

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Reply from Laurie:
I am so glad you are enjoying the blog post Lisa!
Sandra
August 15, 2023

I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie

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Reply from Laurie:
Thanks, Sandra!
Beverly Zook
August 14, 2023

I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!

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Reply from Laurie:
You are so right Bev--it was really about the experience of traveling together. I have on my list to create an album from our trip so we can look back and remember everything we did!
Tracey
August 14, 2023

LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!

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Tracey
August 14, 2023

testing blog comment flow

did this come through?
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Anonymous
August 14, 2023

the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority

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Reply from Laurie:
Sandi Richardson
August 10, 2023

It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.

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Reply from Laurie:
Yes, Sandi! Love how you pulled all those lessons together!
Andrea C.
August 10, 2023

Great information and reminders

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Reply from Laurie:
Thank you, Andrea!
Arlene Byrd
August 10, 2023

Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!

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Reply from Laurie:
Yes, Arlene! We spend so much of our time working and often taking care of others, that it can feel challenging to even find time to unwind and rest. I am working on building more margin into my schedule and blocking time off next year for some extra days off to really disconnect and relax.
Stephen Wallace
August 10, 2023

Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!

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Reply from Laurie:
Tracey
August 10, 2023

Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)

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Reply from Laurie:
Yes, Tracey, I love my sleep and I prioritize it! I feel a huge difference in my energy and focus if I lose even one hour of sleep. I know a lot of people struggle to get good rest, and for some it is not easy.
Anonymous
July 28, 2023

Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!

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Reply from Laurie:
Absolutely agree--action is important for any success. And as a leader, we have to take action--connect with our team, make time for coaching, and showing appreciation. Thanks for your comments!
Sandra
July 26, 2023

So many great tips here, thank you!

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Reply from Laurie:
Thanks so much, Sandra!
Tracey
July 14, 2023

I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!

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Reply from Laurie:
Let me know how it goes, Tracey! :-)
Becca Levian
July 14, 2023

Such a great post - so inspiring!

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Reply from Laurie:
Thank you, Becca!